Hammer

I'm growing in such vast leaps and bounds
and as usual I am a little worried
about it, what I'm
leaving behind.
But this time, I am so sure.
(have never been so sure.)

I know because I feel myself opening
and blossoming
I feel it burning inside
my throat chakra when I speak up in my class
I feel it in the pounding of my heart when I
trust myself to say what needs to be said
I feel it in a new calm that is settling
around me
even as my head pounds
with the force of a hammer on the
inside of my skull.

I know that hammer
is pounding out new ways
of Being.
I feel this hammer constructing new
structures, new housing
to hold me
where my old safe homes
have been obliterated.

Last week I felt
at a loss when everything old
was being demolished-
I didn't know what would go up in its place
(what if nothing did?)
What if I didn't like what grew
where there used to be comfort
and now there was nothing?

Only there was never nothing,
there was always a strong Blue foundation.
A layer of finely spread sand, smooth as mica,
and then a solid mix of concrete on top.
There was always the base below
which holds my higher sense of myself.
Ego had to be destroyed
again
in order for Phoenix to rise.

I am a proud bisexual woman.
I am a healer.
I am strong and I am vulnerable
and I share those parts of me that must
be shared
in order that I Rise.

I am a teacher and a poet and
a healer.
Writer, artist, lover
Dakshina,
a Tantric Goddess.

I am That.
I am all of that
and more.
I am that which I have not yet seen
I am those parts of me which have not yet grown
But the bulbs are planted/ They are always there
under the fine dark soil of my surface.
Ready to burst forth in spring,
with the force of a daffodil pushing
through damp ground
to find the sun.

I am a singer and
I am a painter painting words
and I am a dancer
moving my body to the
rhythms of the earth
I am a midwife birthing
souls
and I am a shaman
a maiden and a farmer's daughter.
In this life, I am learning a New Archetype.

I am a provider. I have been the mother
Archetype (I still am the mother)
Now I am the father too
I am the mother's daughter.
I am the space within.

Simple

Someone is practicing the piano
My dog is lying at my feet
My girlfriend, in the bed next to me snores lightly.
The cat purrs.
Today I did not wake with the crippling
fear of anxiety
I had yesterday
So that's progress. 

Letter to my Heart

Dear Little Phoenix, The time is now, take what you need. 
Knowing healing you must take that to worlds beyond.
Dream the life of flowers garden table 
full of abundant harvest. Smell ripe truth 
and joy in your heart space. Help heal love and climb up,
ascend the white candle ladder with Matteo, 
he leads you to the coven circle with High Priestess 
and Grandmothers. Allow Pixie to lead you also, 
ripe plum woman knows heart song--knows why when you do not-- 
she will take you there. Send her the note you wish to send. Clothespins fire open joy and chickory cofee beignets. Go to the wild unknown. Travel there in heart 
and soul and let the waves take you 
to where you must roam free of constraints. Grandmother tells you, you must listen-
she is your spirit guardian and she sees you free-- 
loving more, embrace all that is for you. 
Take now and peace send to those who reach out to you. You’re the healer, Red-Winged one knows 
with the warm candles,
flame burning, she leads you right also, 
take the juiciness and the balm she offers.
Your soul needs a healing balm and she is it. 
She’s your coven, remember, you asked her? 
Do not let yourself forget past lives and joy- seeking. 
Hablar conmigo. Matteo, take my hand and let me guide you. 
The ladder of ascendance is the way of the gong. Let the gong and the Wild One take you now to 
higher sun kil moon love light. Blonde tiger kitty is also a guide, 
she’s wanting you to teach her spirit something. Go to her now, 
Let those places lead you to ripeness. You ready, ripe. Picked.