Hammer

I'm growing in such vast leaps and bounds
and as usual I am a little worried
about it, what I'm
leaving behind.
But this time, I am so sure.
(have never been so sure.)

I know because I feel myself opening
and blossoming
I feel it burning inside
my throat chakra when I speak up in my class
I feel it in the pounding of my heart when I
trust myself to say what needs to be said
I feel it in a new calm that is settling
around me
even as my head pounds
with the force of a hammer on the
inside of my skull.

I know that hammer
is pounding out new ways
of Being.
I feel this hammer constructing new
structures, new housing
to hold me
where my old safe homes
have been obliterated.

Last week I felt
at a loss when everything old
was being demolished-
I didn't know what would go up in its place
(what if nothing did?)
What if I didn't like what grew
where there used to be comfort
and now there was nothing?

Only there was never nothing,
there was always a strong Blue foundation.
A layer of finely spread sand, smooth as mica,
and then a solid mix of concrete on top.
There was always the base below
which holds my higher sense of myself.
Ego had to be destroyed
again
in order for Phoenix to rise.

I am a proud bisexual woman.
I am a healer.
I am strong and I am vulnerable
and I share those parts of me that must
be shared
in order that I Rise.

I am a teacher and a poet and
a healer.
Writer, artist, lover
Dakshina,
a Tantric Goddess.

I am That.
I am all of that
and more.
I am that which I have not yet seen
I am those parts of me which have not yet grown
But the bulbs are planted/ They are always there
under the fine dark soil of my surface.
Ready to burst forth in spring,
with the force of a daffodil pushing
through damp ground
to find the sun.

I am a singer and
I am a painter painting words
and I am a dancer
moving my body to the
rhythms of the earth
I am a midwife birthing
souls
and I am a shaman
a maiden and a farmer's daughter.
In this life, I am learning a New Archetype.

I am a provider. I have been the mother
Archetype (I still am the mother)
Now I am the father too
I am the mother's daughter.
I am the space within.