She’s trying
Trying not let the shoulds get in the way of her heart’s truthful singing.
Trying not to walk away when the walking away is the hardest thing, but perhaps the most right thing.
Maybe the staying is the hardest thing and the walking away will be easy.
She’s not fooled by this line of thinking. It will be hard. No way around that. But sometimes the hard way is the right way.
She’s trying to be sorry that she found a new, better way to love and be loved.
But she is not sorry. Her heart is singing now. She can’t quiet that song.
No, scratch that. She is sorry. More sorry than he will know, because his hurt will scream and it will drown out the apology that she feels he deserves.
It will be the thing that overtakes the conversation and it will be the thing that gets thrown back
In her heart. In her face. She is afraid of the hurt that she will cause and she is afraid of
her heart singing true. She is afraid to let herself be loved in the new way, although she already is, and it feels so amazing and light, like 1000 angelic voices singing in her soul.
She is fearful to walk into the new light when she knows that the old habits are the thing
that are breaking them. She is so afraid to let go of the past. Of the future that never was.
But she knows now that it is the right thing. She just keeps writing it down and then she can’t say it to him. She tries and then she can’t hurt him. Only she knows now that she is hurting him anyway.
Tonight she needs to say it. They have an appointment to talk about things.
He thinks they are going to talk and solve their problems. She thinks it will take years of her life to solve these problems and she doesn’t want to spent it that way.
She doesn’t want to spend her life solving someone else. Or being somone’s problem to solve.
She looks at the pictures that he took, of the event they attended together. All of his pictures are of another her. She does not begrudge him the new happiness but it stings. It hurts like a hammer hitting her in the stomach, to see his beautiful pictures of this “her” who is not her.
She thinks, he never looked at me like that. He never aimed his camera at me
Like that.
His eyes never saw the beauty that I possess on the outside. She knows he saw her true beauty. The internal souls-shining beauty. But that was not enough.
Trying not let the shoulds get in the way of her heart’s truthful singing.
Trying not to walk away when the walking away is the hardest thing, but perhaps the most right thing.
Maybe the staying is the hardest thing and the walking away will be easy.
She’s not fooled by this line of thinking. It will be hard. No way around that. But sometimes the hard way is the right way.
She’s trying to be sorry that she found a new, better way to love and be loved.
But she is not sorry. Her heart is singing now. She can’t quiet that song.
No, scratch that. She is sorry. More sorry than he will know, because his hurt will scream and it will drown out the apology that she feels he deserves.
It will be the thing that overtakes the conversation and it will be the thing that gets thrown back
In her heart. In her face. She is afraid of the hurt that she will cause and she is afraid of
her heart singing true. She is afraid to let herself be loved in the new way, although she already is, and it feels so amazing and light, like 1000 angelic voices singing in her soul.
She is fearful to walk into the new light when she knows that the old habits are the thing
that are breaking them. She is so afraid to let go of the past. Of the future that never was.
But she knows now that it is the right thing. She just keeps writing it down and then she can’t say it to him. She tries and then she can’t hurt him. Only she knows now that she is hurting him anyway.
Tonight she needs to say it. They have an appointment to talk about things.
He thinks they are going to talk and solve their problems. She thinks it will take years of her life to solve these problems and she doesn’t want to spent it that way.
She doesn’t want to spend her life solving someone else. Or being somone’s problem to solve.
She looks at the pictures that he took, of the event they attended together. All of his pictures are of another her. She does not begrudge him the new happiness but it stings. It hurts like a hammer hitting her in the stomach, to see his beautiful pictures of this “her” who is not her.
She thinks, he never looked at me like that. He never aimed his camera at me
Like that.
His eyes never saw the beauty that I possess on the outside. She knows he saw her true beauty. The internal souls-shining beauty. But that was not enough.
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