Joy you my sorrow

I want to arms you a smile.

I want to smile you a hug.

I want to hug you a flower.

I want to flower you a bloom.

I want to bloom you a river.

I want to river you a flood.

I want to flood you a million

Songs of my joy.

I want to joy you my sorrow.

I want to sorrow away on a Cloud

That climbs above all of this.

I want to above all of this.

I want to this.

I want to away above float up to the fast road to happy you me

But there is no fast road to truth.

I want to truth you my words

I want to word my way out of this

I want out of this maze of my pain

I want to speed on a highway to rainbows and laughter. I want to laughter again. I want again.

I want again to tell your about Bees and Oceans and endless love and promise and forever

And no one else but your ocean eyes

You Mer.

I want to tell you I will be your ocean.I want to be someone's ocean.

But the only ocean I can be is the one I am

Right now.

The one that hurts and cries

And ignores and hurts

And looks at the little screen

And wonders what there is to say.

That isn't I'm sorry.

I sit on sidewalks and I cry.

I sit in restaurants and I cry.

I sit on my bed and I light candles and I cry and the depths of my pain seem so endless and yet this is not a depression

It is an ascension.

and ascensions don't happen without rising above.

And I want to rise above

This fucking shit and hurry up to something else

But that is like asking the flower to hurry up and grow.

Or the baby sparrow to hurry up and learn how to fly so she can be pushed from the nest and safely be a sparrow.

I have to lick my wounds and I have to pray and run and shout at the miserable bastards who hurt me

I have to sleep with my shadow self and walk with her and bathe her in sweet light.

I am a pitiful and puny human right now but my spirit is strong

And she will more than survive this.

I don't know what I am asking of you except to take God care of your Self. Take Goddess care of yourself. Please nurture your own longings and rekindle your lost loves and play yourself music and make love to your guitar.

Please write your spirit song

Please song your spirit

Please spirit your love not to me, but to your own true sparrow heart

So that she can be free.

Meanwhile I will wash myself in my tears.

I will tear myself a new heart.

I will heart my journey

I will journey my loss

I will lose my crying

I will cry myself loose

I will loose myself free.  I will right this upturned ship of my soul and I will chart a course for her.