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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Long Road (Advice for when you don't know what to do)

When the night is long
and you are weary
and you are not sure
that you want to get out of bed,
Just get up anyway.

And make sure the children are fed.

When the night stretches before you
like a marathon
and you think you’ll never be able to sleep
and you look at the clock every ten
minutes
thinking about the next day
and how you won’t be able to get through it
Close your eyes. And breathe.

Turn on a light
and write.
Write about your fears,
your longings
your wishes.

Write your wishes into a tiny piece of paper

and fold it up,
even smaller
and put it under your pillow

and the next morning
when the unforgiving sun rises
and your eyes don’t want to open
take it out and read them.

Before putting your pants on.

When you think
that you can’t possibly put one foot in
front of the other
to walk the long path
you see before you

Do it anyway.
When you think you can’t see the path
and you are wondering what to do

Just take small steps

Make a cup of tea
and sit and look out the window
and make yourself
eat a bowl of yogurt.

When you think that the path
you are walking is no longer valid
take a different turn

It does not have to be a big change,
just wear a different color
Shirt
and maybe take a different route to work.
or walk instead of drive.

Let your mind have the freedom to see
a different choice is always available.

When you look down at
your hands and see that they have become
old woman hands
remember that you have earned them.
You have planted seeds and watched
them grow. You have tilled the soil in your little patch
of land

and washed a lot of shit out of a lot of diapers
and worked those weary fingers

For every morsel you have
received.

Remember that you have given
yourself
to others
and that it is okay
to take some back.

If you are not a mother
you probably still know some of this
pain
of watching your babies (whatever you baby might be)
grow older
and watching your heart leave
your body.

Maybe you know it in a different
form.
Maybe you grieve for other
losses. (Maybe your own youth.)

Remember that your grief
is
valid.
And remember that this isn’t forever.

Just walk the path
and trust

this is not forever.

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